I’m going crazy at home. I run an errand, need a nap. Fold the laundry, need a nap. Bring in the groceries, need a nap.
Being a type A, high achiever is an awfully depressing place to be when a trip to buy shampoo is the highlight of the day. Feels helpless and so non-productive. I really am the high achiever who may lose it at the dishwasher.
Everyone says, “enjoy the rest”, “your body needs the time to heal”, “take the time for you”, “meditate”…seriously, do you people know me? It’s truly as if my brain says one thing, and my body can’t keep up. Or worse, my brain wants it to come together, and my body can’t keep up. It’s frustrating. I feel generally fine most of the time and my usual flaky self, just exhausted. Surely, some smart marketing can come from fatigue, right? (and yes, a marketer trick is to add “right” to the end of the sentence. How can they disagree?)
I am the oldest of three and will still end up with the least education at a master’s level. Yeah, we were all pretty much screwed to be high achieving adults. And yes, we should own stock in sticky notes and list making.
My grandparents met in a one room school-house and both had college degrees. My parents have second degrees and both of my brothers will each have third (PhD and Law). I worry for my daughter and niece, even as much as I say “you can do whatever you want”, there was still that moment in kindergarten when my than five-year old said, “I want to do nails and hair but don’t tell mama”. Oh dear, what have we done? Healthcare cost the US more than they spent on the Department of Defense last year, and education is outrageous! MBA’s are a dime a dozen, and employment is still scarce. The brick and mortar, mom and pop, five and dime opportunity has been altered forever, and my generation has enabled this high achieving, fast-moving, preservative-filled, intrusive, technological world. (Not to mention what I alone did to contribute to global warming with excessive amounts of aerosol hairspray to manage my 80’s hard rock bangs.) It’s a train far out of the gate.
Are we all type A, high achieving personalities, or have I lost touch with those who are not? Someone asked me today if a farmer in Wyoming feels the stress or requires the Rx this generation does. Is it cyclical, have we enabled our own fate, success, loss, excess? And who can possibly judge and change, but each of our own reactions to these life transitions? I am told it isn’t “life- work balance” anymore but “life-work integration”. We did this to ourselves.
My girlfriend just emailed me that I can certainly lose it at the dishwasher, but the dishwasher cannot explain the meaning of life. That is for each of us to find on our own path through acceptance, moments of silence, prayer, nuggets of wisdom and movement forward.
While I figure that out, I believe I will take a short nap.