Shoot a camera out of your ass and call it a diet?

All the tests, oh the tests.  Colonoscopy in my 30s and every 3 yrs for life, upper GI, lower GI’s, scans, more scans, blood work ++++++, even swallowing a camera to shoot out my behind….and one final blood test to reveal……..

Being Celiac isn’t a diet.  Who in their right mind would name it a diet?  It’s a life sentence of the way we should all eat, meaning healthy.  But damn, it’s not ideal.  Folks like to use the phrase “Gluten Free Diet” as if it’s a fad.  LOL!  Take it from a four+ year vet, it is no diet or fad.  In fact, many celiacs actually gain weight in the beginning b/c all the foods that were taken away are suddenly available. Their bodies need the nutrients that have been lacking and when you can’t have, you want more, right?  These foods are suddenly at your fingertips in the frozen section with high caloric opportunity …and best yet, crazy high expensive and STILL no taste*.  You don’t care.  You just want the donut.

It is a limited range of tasteless, bland offerings never organized in any way that makes sense at the local grocery store (except Dierbergs in my area- they rock).

Imagine your life without bread, cookies, beer, anthing with flour/white, wheat, rye or barley.  Yes, that means no more Mich Ultra or Oreo’s- even licorice is off limits. And silly stuff like lip balms, spices, soaps, toothpaste, etc.  And I know there is G-F beer b/c someone at AB felt pity for us celiacs, but did anyone taste test that stuff?  Ick.

Gluten is glue and as a filler, you yourself experience its effects every day.  Even today’s Vodka’s which used to be safe are no longer safe- the majority too are grain based.  Just ask the bartender who isn’t a player, they will be straight with you.

The Gwyneth Paltrows and Uma Thurmans of the world who say it’s a diet that keeps them fit are not giving the full picture.  They are just cooking and eating well.  Or, their hire-in cooks are preparing healthy menus for the family.

I’m no scientist, but it doesn’t take a genius to guess that preservatives initiated the celiac bug in the first place.  If not, why the numbers skyrocketing on diagnosing Celiac Disease?  We don’t choose this. It’s embarrassing and feels high maintenance anywhere in public, and damn, I want that big juicy burger on a bun with a cold one just like my cool girlfriends.  Plus, it’s hard on the family.  My poor girl had to take peanut butter on hamburger buns to school for the first two years so I wouldn’t cheat and eat her bread slices.  Even today, I have to freeze them to keep my grubby little hands away.

And can someone tell me how my German grandparents ate lard on bread, rolls and dough of every kind, fried everything and still bowled and line danced into their 90s?  Living from the earth rather than the freezer section sure does make a difference.

Too bad I can’t cook.  Lard v. Glue.  Hmmmmm….

Sure do miss those banquet pot pies though.  They rocked.

TRIVIA FACT: We are not allergic to gluten.  We are intolerant.  An allergy is when your body fights back.  An intolerance is when your body fights itself.

*Udi’s bread is the only thing I can imagine has brought back some taste.  Thank you.  The price tag for healthy eating at $6.00+ per loaf is sad but worth it when desperate.  If I wasn’t a marketer myself, I would really be ticked at that strategy.