murphyormel

wacky reflections from a nutcracker wannabe

Category: Airplane

Laugh yourself to better mental health.

Sometimes comedic therapy is all we have…

  • …those infamous bacon and hot pocket skits compliments of Jim Gaffigan. (Ok, anything Gaffigan!)
  • …Old men in skinny pants
  • Freudian slips said to your own mother: “sure, we would like to come over for Sunday dinner if you aren’t doing someone.”
  • …I recently (mis)heard a student tell my class their passion: collecting vintage wine and handcuffs, when instead he said cuff links. (And yes, I apologized profusely as the class laughed and immediately called my supervisor to report myself.)
  • …really, really bad tattoos. Likely, a decision made while you were liquored up while friends both encouraged the poor choice and enjoyed selfies with you.
  • …leggings are not actual pants. How did this ridiculous fad reach all sizes of people, now complimented by lace up wedges and a crop top? (Yes, I am presently in another airport.)
  • Algorithms, robot arms, living with your mother, just the sound of meat called brisket and/or the “wallowitz coefficient” to supplement a new view on Superheros thanks to The Big Bang Theory. 
  • How is camoflage a fashion statement outside of the forest? We see you.
  • …”Literally” everything Rob Lowe says on the classic, Parks and Rec.
  • …that the ever changing rules in U.S. healthcare are proportionate to the ever changing rules social media brings parenting today’s teen
  • …my 70+ yr old dad has been pulled over by local law enforcement on an early morning for driving (puttering) too SLOW on his scooter
  • My sweet niece practicing yoga, singing Happy birthday in Italian, or making a sand castle for her Auntie M 
  • A good friend’s son jumping head over tail on the family dog or writing a story about aliens just because he knows it is ok to play, take risk and be his best self without judgement
  • How about those blue-tooth ear pieces colleagues wear 24/7? You speak only to have them reply to their call but smile at you
  • This is almost as good as finding yourself leaving a voicemail BEFORE the beep, because the recording is so real.
  • Hearing my daughter tell me her life is over, because I shut down Netflix for month one of high school as we test the grade waters.
  • Shag carpet and shellac still exist in the RV world and actually win for aesthetics in the “I have disposable income so let’s trade up of late age road trips.”
  • And because I am sitting directly next to a wannabe LA based actor with the the most nasally, startling voice EVER, cheers to karma for bringing us laughter when we least expect.

Breathe deeply, laugh hard and be well. 

Mel

  

the missed sniglet: travel snobbery

A friend is headed abroad this week, and he texts me that he is (impatiently) waiting out a flight cancellation. Seriously, he tries to blame me for his travel misadventure?…Ha! Those days are long gone for this traveler. I live in the moment when in an airport. The panic of lost luggage, battery depletion on my iPod, missed flights, and even crazy weather are child’s play compared to what I’ve enjoyed.

But his frustration forces reflection on the concept of travel snobbery, a missed 80’s sniglet:

  • You get the call. Flight changed. Forced to rebook with an automated voice machine. (Anxiety begins)
  • This changed flight requires a new plane due to maintenance needs. All signs of making the next plane are unpredictable. (Anxiety increases)  Personally, I like my planes to fly, so I am just happy to be told in advance.
  • Almost to the terminal, but wait, the TSA line is backed up…and these are NOT high priority travelers. These are mixed up, newbie’s in the wrong line. What’s that, travel snob? “The security guard is letting them through anyway. I hate that. I paid for this, and I earned it.”  (Yes, you did, and the newbie’s are laughing their way to your gate before you even remove your shoes.)
  • Before you board, you stop by the fancy-schmancy lounge where woven steel reinforcement and raw timber pillars offer relaxation in a carefree natural environment so you can escape from the real world. Grab that $400 orange with cell phone to ear, and soak up the free WiFi with the other travelers who also seek the “I never stop working” appearance.
  • Seating rearranged. If you are one of those elite, ‘double dog dare platinum ruby diva royal’ frequent travelers, you will still have plenty of time to hoard overhead space for your larger than appropriate suitcase AND carry-on, but uh-oh, a seating snafu places you in the middle seat. The flight attendant can only offer a warm cookie, but he promises to shine those travel loafers. Probably best to just focus on the overhead as the win and bunker down.  (Heart beat increasing, body heat building as the regular joe’s of travel start to board.)
  • Seated. Middle seat. Ok, so this placement becomes critical pending seasonality, duration of flight, size of passenger in A-B and/or C seating.

This is my friend’s current challenge.  A bigger, well, manly man and expert traveler, he has won the middle seat for this particular flight, and he is not thrilled. I am encouraging the brighter side…

  1. You can head-bob in two directions, save yourself the neck pillow purchase AND awaken both fresh and symmetrical….just borrow a neighbor in both directions.
  2. No need for freshening rose spray to moisturize, just lean in for the experience of what an old colleague liked to call “bobo” (body odor). Nothing like the experience of buying airplane scent full of breath, body and stale air.
  3. Enjoy the primary love language of touch each time you cross, uncross, swivel, twist and recline near your new neighbor friends.
  4. Embrace the headphone splitter with both neighbors and get three movies off the list in one fell swoop.
  5. Ask for a tip each time the window guy needs his beverage refilled.
  6. Place your man purse anywhere you like, because well, you are big, and no one will tease you (out loud).
  7. And best yet, engage your aisle neighbor in the standard new traveler questions, such as “What do you do?” “Where are you headed?” “Do you own cats?” each time you need your overhead man purse or a trip to the restroom.

Live in the moment. Make a new friend. Be gentle with the new travelers. Offer to take down an elderly lady’s bag. Look at this as an experiment in a return to the days of ‘regular joe traveler.’ No expense account. No fancy lounge. Just you, a suitcase and a smile.

Cheers to the golden moments of travel misadventure and 80s sniglets.

Mel

qld-tourism-best-job-600x400p/c: learn.burnside.school.nz

* Sniglet is a neologism, popularized by comedian/actor Rich Hall during his tenure on the 1980s HBO comedy series Not Necessarily the News. Each episode of the monthly series featured a regular segment on sniglets, which Hall described as “any word that doesn’t appear in the dictionary, but should”.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sniglet)

Why “Murphy”*?

“The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.” – unknown

 

Funny things just happen to all of us. For me, it has become a normalcy. While the previous blog posts re. the cancer diagnosis are most certainly not “Murphy moments”, the “gooooiter” growth might well be.

And while it’s very hard to top being given honors from my friend, Mark, as a combo Jackie O and Dick Butkis, my ‘Melissa Murphy Moment’s’ are just part of what make me who I am. 🙂 Thus, this blog- “Murphy or Mel” – was born.

So, you ask, what is/has been a “Melissa Murphy Moment”……(and many of you will recall and giggle and/or want to share …it’s ok, my parent’s are fully aware of what they created.)

– Just out of grad school and teaching my first college class at 28, I wore a student provided adaptive hearing device into the ladies room accidentally still turned to “on”.

– Being new in my career and first real job (probably first or second year) and wearing red panties under white linen pants.

– Using the phrase “that’s a great money shot” when reviewing final production for our new television commercial with the (national food company) CEO sitting directly next to me (without knowing what the phrase meant until later AND being the only woman in the room). (btw- there really was a photo of a dollar bill in the actual TV spot.)

– Being awarded the very prestigious “40 under 40” award by the St. Louis Business Journal in 2010 after 400+ submissions, only to have a big apology and the award rescinded, because I turned 40 just three months prior. The graduate school Dean who submitted my entry entered my birthday incorrectly. (I keep it in my LinkedIn profile and resume because I earned that damn award.) My former CEO, Bill Shaner, called me to congratulate and shared great advice…”when did we go from being the rock star to the mentor?”. His wisdom and ability to laugh at the issue dulled the hurt. Until now.

– Trading in my dying but wonderfully fun Audi for a new Saab automatic, only to drive it thru the garage door in the first 24 hours. I wasn’t used to the difference after 20+ years with a manual transmission. Mol said “Mommy, why are we driving thru the garage door?” $1000 later, I owned a new garage door too. 🙂

– Having a great idea in the shower only to not have a notepad handy. So, I found a pantyliner, wrote my thought, carried to work and planted on my desk, got distracted by another project just as the (male) Division President came in and sat down to talk. Yes, panty liner in full view.

-Locking my keys in the car two times in the same day. Once at the gas tank. Once while the car was still running at 9:30 at night at the bank drop box.

– writing 100+ thank you notes before my daughter was born signed from “Melissa and Hannah” to instead name her “Mollyanna”

– crying when I got a tattoo the size of a quarter but being told to wake up when giving birth to my sweet girl. (ok, drugs and an episode of Oprah were involved there 🙂

– Scared of horses but dating a boy who I didn’t know was a national rodeo champion until three weeks later. He said Purina-Nestle.

– Asking to borrow the brand new shuttle bus for a two mile parade to have it not start in what would have been its first day in use- Just after the parade.

– Finishing a motorcycle riding class after dropping the bike, only to send and receive a letter from the IL Dept of Transportation thanking me for NOT getting my motorcycle license.

– Marrying a man with a Golden Retriever who has been beautifully house trained and won’t even get sick on the carpet. My yoga mat however? Not part of the training and more than once a select spot for Barkley’s sickness.

– Hiring a local lawn company to ‘pretty up’ my lawn to sell my house, only to have them do one spray and completely kill the yard in 24 hours, setting me back three months of sales opps and $$$ of watering…in the worst year ever to sell a house (2011).

– Asking for a fake name at the hospital for a recent procedure and getting a name with a misspelling and then best yet, a bill to her not me.

-And travel misadventure (a future blog for sure)…likely having an FBI record for an airport bomb threat scare (misunderstanding, really) in Cleveland; Watching news crews in Chicago surround our plane after some dude dropped a bag of large white powder as he entered first class (probably beignets mix- lol); Working a motorcycle rally in Laughlin, Nevada both before and after a gang motorcycle shooting hit national news; Being on a plane to Portland where the toilet blew up; Working truck stop focus groups in New Jersey with folks who lack teeth; accidentally carrying produce across the Chilean border; Booking a flight to Vancouver and realizing they meant WA not BC; Being stuck in countless airports all over the world- both with and without luggage; and one of my personal fav’s….being placed in an unmarked car in Buenos Aires and pretend texting (that wasn’t working) while hoping I was actually headed to a hotel in the right Argentine city and not being abducted.

We all have stuff, but how can you not giggle that things just happen? This is life.

No, this is my life. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 🙂

*http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-true.html

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