murphyormel

wacky reflections from a nutcracker wannabe

Month: August, 2015

The AARP membership is lurking….

… and so my bucket list requires a second page with the countdown to a peak birthday gaining on me this week.

Thus, page two… (because as you have read in previous posts, I have been honored already with much love, adventure, misadventure, travel, professional moments and health/family/heartbreak experiences that many don’t see in their FIRST 44+ years.)

  • Learn to surf.  Without hitting my head on a rock or being eaten by a shark. No interest in the perfect wave, just up once balanced on the board and in the breath. (And not like the windsurfing experience in high school where the coaches had to bring me back in a boat before floating out to sea off a Bermuda inlet.)
  • Master (ok, stay afloat) my own Kayak. Still aiming for Madonna-like arms at 45. @Goldsgym has a rowing machine, but with Evanesence and Jack Johnson on my ear phones, it simply isn’t the same as water, waves and Mother Nature taking care of me.
  • Be published. (Beyond front page news as “spokesman” or a simple niche trade journal article.)
  • Hike/Raft the Grand Canyon with new friends I meet also new to the backpack life. (love the movie @WILD though showering more often than four states would be my preference.)
  • Move out West.
  • Dharma (our calling) is different for all.  Title and money mean little.  Legacy is based on love and meaning. Model integrity and remind others that legacy lives far beyond what they see of themselves.
  • Be courageous enough to tell my family that healing is a calling, and Yogic philosophy/Reiki (energy work) is real. No, it isn’t a PhD, but a higher power is with us.
  • Use my professional gifts to help friends see their dreams and legacy become a reality.
  • Visit Greece.
  • Trial a batting cage.
  • Sit ON the infamous Hollywood sign in LA to see the view (ssshhhhh, think this might not exactly be supported by local law enforcement.)
  • Be cancer-free and finally get the honor to ring the damn bell! We are coming up on year five. I am so over this word and scene!
  • Take my daughter, mom, bonus mom and sisters-in-law (on me) for a weekend at Kripalu, the largest yoga and Ayurvedic school in the country. We will practice gratitude in our own wise women’s circle and engage something that they too add to their bucket list of adventure… #family first.
  • Skydive (but not until my sweet teen is grown and on her own)
  • Hike and put my feet in the ocean in the same day
  • Own a jeep and laugh when it rains on me, b/c I’m old and can afford to have it cleaned. And who really cares!
  • Be the best Auntie M I can be to my sweet niece.
  • Set and stay true to consequences for the teenage daughter who trials her verbal skills each and every day with me.  Find the balance between pride at her persistence but remain the trusted, sacred mom not just “friend.”
  • Release worry, anger and count my blessings each and every day. Gratitude is our choice to give and practice.
  • Recognize and accept unconditional love in the smart, loyal, sexy man I have yet to meet. (plus, many prayers for bonus children that come with loving us.)
  • Ensure my baby girl always feels loved and knows I have her back. For good. For always.

Don’t waste your funding solicitations, @AARP. I’m far too young for membership.

And btw- please rebrand yourself.  So few retire at 50 these days, it is a sad reality when I remind folks we are closer to your membership age status than the public launch of the internet.

Om Shanti (peace) and #bebold

Mel

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Confidence is the new sexy.

Because it simply needs to be said again…

murphyormel

Confidence is the new sexy.

At a recent seminar, I heard a panelist use these words. They stuck. Are we generationally conflicted about confidence, and how it impacts our professional and personal lives, meaning do each of us feel a different sense of confidence in our work craft vs. personal development, spiritual growth and/or family balance?

I do.

If confidence is the new sexy, how we do ensure that the sassy icon and size 14, Marilyn Monroe, is shared with our young people who know how to manipulate Photoshopbut STILL see publications with women of size 2?

Years ago, only those of us who live in the Mac cult world like me knew the inner workings of Photoshop and Illustrator to mess with imagery. Today, anyone with a laptop can upload distortion. Who are the publishers of these pubs knowing that their twisted imagery is an eating disorder waiting to…

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The abstract beauty of loving and being loved.

The word itself is abstract. Loving self, partner, friendship, parents and parenting. It is a simple smile in a crowded airport – just a second and a strong heartbeat. A friend in your life you’ve known for years who suddenly takes your breath away. A walk on a pier that makes you believe you can do anything. A look across a crowded fraternity party or middle school class room. The way you laugh together so hard you cry and can’t catch your breath. It is comfort in silence. A hand on your heart just because. It is staying when sickness rears itself. It is calling for a ride because driving would be unsafe. It is reading in bed, holding hands, riding the Ferris wheel, rallying each other, and sharing popcorn at the movies.

Why does loving someone happen across distance, setting us up for the unavailable by geography….and not due to wanting to love and be loved in return?  Do we make the choice out of protection for our own hearts, or is a higher power in fact connecting dots we don’t understand.

Why does it hurt to be left, even when we know they will return?

I hear folks say, “it shouldn’t be this hard”…”if this was real, you wouldn’t treat me this way”….but in some ways, it is the loving someone so deeply that changes our behavior. We want this abstract “love” so much, we become something that isn’t rational. It hurts, and we can’t understand nor wish it away.

Sure, codependency is a term of truth and mental health, but it must feed from somewhere.  The seed occurs because of unclear and unexplainable connection – unhealthy or not. And it doesn’t happen with the neighbor next door, or the guy at the gym or in the next office space, so why at all?

It’s heat and kindness, timing and awareness, open and closed, broken and wonderful, light and dark.

And always abstract. We are human.

We believe because it is both wonderful and painful. Both make us feel real and alive. But the same exact emotional up and downs break our hearts with a fierceness that can’t be explained, as it too is abstract. Irony? No.

Want, lust, loneliness, companionship, silliness, sharing, kindness, venting, fear, touch. All things that make us real.  All things that make us human.

They say we don’t often know what we had until it is gone. But perhaps it is even bigger in theory – more abstract and complex than simply looking backwards…….is it more real to fully face ourselves and admit we don’t even know we have loved until we don’t?

…OR WE DO, and we miss the present and abstract beauty by seeing through, around, sideways, and in front of us as we hold its gift in our hand.

The abstract and unexplainable beauty of loving and being loved.

White lights,

Mel

love-wallpaper

 

 

 

Most likely to be in the Journal of Mass Spectrometry.

Wait, that was my brilliant brother, not me. 

I’m more likely heading for a display ad in Working Mother that reads, “Advice appreciated. My teenager has entered the fifth dimension, and it isn’t a movie, it is being months from navigating the terrifying, wonderful, ‘friends over family’ landscape called being 15.”

I reference my sweet brother, as he is parenting a five-year old dollie who eats humus, broccoli, tofu and avocado for snacks. I’m the fast-moving, fast talking, single mama who begs my teenage girl to eat an apple with caramel, a carrot with Ranch – something in a food group that isn’t candy to compliment the microwaved corn dog.  And to make it more ridiculous, I can barely spell broccoli without spell check, yet speak proper context for esoteric, voracious and/or cathexis.

Where is the handbook? (A parenting handbook not one on mass spectrometry.)

How many times must I say “no, you can not drive my car?” And how long can they stay in their room without coming out for air? Will thumb dysfunction due to texting be covered by ACA? No wonder vision tests are required in high school these days, and the human attention span is shorter than a goldfish**

Psychology teaches us this is normalcy, functional, early beginnings of independence, and pushing us as parents (which btw- works to test the patience of both). And I do get it. I am certain I did the same thing, but that was a long, long time ago, and the phrase, “because I am the parent” sounded ludicrous in the 80s.  In 2015, I really like the phrase. This week, my smart girl even pulled the Socratic method on me. Seriously? Is this law school? Did I miss where Litigation 101 came after Physical Education in middle school?

It’s a little lonely to be on the inside back cover of Working Mother without answers.  And more bittersweet, without her presence in the way she was at five….half my height, pigtails, contagious belly laughter, a princess cape and holding my hand tucked into bed reading together or working a Mad Lib.

(Now, THERE is a marketing opportunity Mad Libs (appropriately named) that facilitate parent-teenager communication.)

This is teenage-hood. My role is to give her space, cheer on risk (within reason), allow her to choose and face her own consequences, lead by example, encourage newly developing talents and nurture the road less traveled.  My job is to love her and rally in her corner, no matter where and how she lands. (I find a closed-door and deep breathing techniques also help.)

Her job; however, is simply to be.

Someday they will all return to our dimension and with them, they will bring extra love, wisdom and learnings and the great power of finding adventure while seeking their truth.

We will no longer need Working Mother for advice or guilt over the occasional corn dog, rather we as parents of teens are also learning a new landscape – through adult reading glasses and wisely picked battles that truly matter.

Metta,

Mel

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** http://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish/

Just because:

http://www.workingmother.com/best-companies/2014-working-mother-100-best-companies

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_spectrometry / Mass spectrometry (MS) is an analytical chemistry technique that helps identify the amount and type of chemicals present in a sample by measuring the mass-to-charge ratio and abundance of gas-phase ions.

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