A fork. And a road.
There isn’t just one fork. Or even one road. There are many. And how do we- ok, me- choose? The metaphor with which we are most familiar is “a deciding moment in life or history when a major choice of options is required”. I like it, but why can’t I choose more than one road? Life is indeed beauty full, and I have many selves in me. There are no limits to our adventure or misadventure. We own our own path. We look back, or we move forward. We make the bucket list and truly feel the heartfelt, deep-down, pure joy of these choices as achievement of each is granted.
I am only half way through my spiritual life in this body, and frankly, I find myself needing more roads, and I guess a few more forks about now.
I have the best gift ever given in my daughter; I’ve been gifted love by more than one man; my family is proud of me, regardless of my silliness; I’ve had the world series of roles in my full-time professional marketing life with amazing experience, global travel and friendships; I get to teach college students about a craft I adore; I was privileged to study and practice my way through 100′ of record-breaking Massachusetts snow to get my RYT (registered yoga teacher) and soon actually teach one of my greatest passions; I’ve zip lined; partied with celebrities; enjoyed my share of girls’ road trips and ridden motorcycles. I’ve hiked fantastic scenery, tubed in pouring down rain (while pulling a tube of adult beverages), and I’ve crossed my fingers (and sometimes eyes) along slippery rain forest ridges in foreign lands. I’ve stayed in ritzy hotels, foreign castles and down-and-out filthy motels that rocked. I’ve eaten dishes I couldn’t define or pronounce but expensed with the best of my colleagues. Crab legs in a dive bar and plain old veggies at galas. An Airbus, many a truck stop, deep-sea fishing, and para-sailing in perhaps unsafe conditions. There have been moments with the law. Moments I reveal with my parents one misadventure a year (reduces the chance of shock). And oh so much fun along the way…..
So what next?
1. Continued clean eating. Cheers to the Ayurvedic healing science I am taking one day at a time. Can’t say I own a neti pot yet, but who knows.
2. I will keep chasing what feels right and follow my own heart. It may not be the PhD, but if it makes me sing with happiness, I keep going. This is where needing more forks comes in…..writing, paying for college with a FT marketing gig, teaching college, teaching yoga, consulting, selling, speaking, volunteering……I need more hands. more time. more forks.
3. I will ensure that not one day goes by that I miss a moment of being the best mama I can be. Even when she does think me odd or tell me “you are turning into your mom”…defined in the 14-year-old girl handbook as “when I Breathe. Talk. Sing. Walk.”
4. I will grow my bucket list and follow my own bliss. It’s stunning to think back to what I wanted for myself in my 20s….and how much I’ve made happen in these short 20 years. No one else. Me. And that feels damn good! It’s time to pull out the list and add on.
5. I will not wait for life to happen. I will be in my own skin every difficult, vulnerable, fatigue-filled, scary, wonderful, loving, and dark day.
6. I will continue to trust my gut, even when what I hear hurts.
7. I will laugh a lot more. Always asking for the big bear hug that makes me spontaneously giggle out loud.
8. I will no longer allow anyone to reduce or take away my achievements, memories or joy.
9. I will pay it forward, accept that naps don’t mean I am wasting time, and keep promises.
10. And most importantly, I will work harder to love myself just as I am today. I too am Beauty Full.
In a recent Instagram post, I quoted an artist to title a photo of my beautiful daughter that fits tonight:
“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it is who is going to stop me?”