A screwed up life that is beautifully random.
“One in 25 ordinary Americans has no conscience and can do anything at all without feeling guilty*.” Regret, for example, is simply not an emotion in their range, or that for which they are capable. In this unbelievable read, “The sociopath next door” (Stout, ph.d), the author details and reveals that four percent of ordinary people have an undetected mental disorder whereby a complete absence of conscience allows for doing anything at all and feeling absolutely no guilt, shame or remorse.
For those of you that follow this blog, we know that is certainly not me. My chaos, as it turns out, isn’t punishment at all, but rather, a possible form of enlightenment. Who would have guessed? “According to probability theory, random events can run in streaks. It’s like patterned disorder, and in nature it creates beautiful things.”**
I was intrigued by the concept and googled disruptive patterning. I love the idea that nature protects its young with this innate feature- example, the giraffe. Outside of the jungle, it is obvious and must take terrific effort to hide, but in its natural habitat and protecting its young, only movement or shadow make it visible to the predator.
If life choices are beautifully random, and we do in fact live in patterned disorder from time to time, how do I stand still enough to protect myself when it happens? And if I can’t, how do I steer away from the predator amidst us if it isn’t obvious- example, “the sociopath next door”?
We can’t. We can only trust our intuition when it calls us and follow our heart toward our “right life”. Steer away from feelings that are toxic or big red flags that we know don’t feel right.
So as difficult as my annus horribilis may have felt, it was instead a pop in the nose to make change. I know I am capable of pain, sorrow, anger, frustration, great love and of course, great loss. My body knew too…..and maybe, just maybe, steered me in this direction for a better, bigger, healthier reason still to come.
** “May we help you? Martha Beck (Finding your way in a Wild New World (Free Press))