The smack down of STL humidity is a lot like life. It just happens.
….and we embrace, endure, unleash our creative spirit, and take the journey back to ourselves.
I tend to run at 100mph most of the time. It’s perhaps an escape mechanism, long legs and heels, or perhaps it’s just type A madness from which I cannot escape. But regardless, I too must crash from time to time to refresh, renew spirit and ask for spiritual alignment.
My supervisor teases me that as an extrovert, I am in my element when “on”, and as such, the energy pushes me through even the toughest of anxious situations. But these moments do test my ability to be “on” in the same way I have always known, when my personal life “storm” isn’t as obvious publicly. So, sometimes the crash is even harder on my spirit.
Frankly, at work, with my sweet girl or with a close friend or family, I can either escape totally from the “storm” or be candid about the real me. And here too, I get that same release in some strange way. But when the escape moment is over, there is not a metaphor more suitable than like walking outside into the STL humidity that smacks you in the face to bring you back to the reality of our lives. The wall of heat that hits you hard as you walk out of a cool, safe place.
We all carry “stuff” with us on our journey. Just this week, I learned of a peer who has been facing an emotional wound he keeps close to the vest. And while his family enjoyed incredibly loving and optimistic news to remedy this wound just this week, it reminded me again of how we break a leg and stay home but an emotional wound hits, and we still get up, drink coffee, make the bell for the early morning meeting and go home to that reality. It’s all around us, and yet we don’t know who embraces what and what path they take to heal themselves.
It affirms I am where I am meant to be, meaning the people who cross my path at a given moment and reach out to ask if I am ok even when they don’t know the big picture. I am incredibly honored by the folks that read this blog and tell me when I had no idea it reached as many, and in as many ways as it has. My original intention was a cathartic way to reach anyone when I was overwhelmed by my own loneliness, and instead, I learned so many of us face these same anxieties, fears, loss on a day by day, and sometimes moment to moment basis. You are not alone, my friend.
Yesterday was a vulnerable day. Last weekend was full, lovely and healing. Folks see me and forget I have cancer, OR know the other losses, and assume the cancer is gone because the early treatments are done. And yet, I can’t forget either. They are my personal humidity smack down, and no one can live in my shoes but me. The road ahead is long and windy…..and frankly, still pretty damn scary.
But my daughter and I are just two entities in God’s plan. And we are still keeping it together- day in and day out. My daughter is my role model for resilience and acceptance. And she doesn’t even know the strength and love she gives me each and every day to get through this madness and mess.
I remember the first time I could see myself in the mirror after Lasic surgery years ago and thinking “where did those wrinkles come from- they weren’t there before”….lol. I guess life is a lot like that. We take off the glasses and reality presents itself in full view.
And then we move forward with vulnerability in some moments, with grace in others.