murphyormel

wacky reflections from a nutcracker wannabe

Month: May, 2012

My mom. My superhero.

She always believes in me. The real me. The authentic me.

My mom, my superhero. She just knows.

She loves who I am. At two. At 10. During puberty. At 17 and taking me to Mizzou J-school for the first time. In my early 20s when I married my daughter’s dad not knowing what marriage and parenting truly entailed. As my career evolved, and I called home from all over the world.

She embraced every adventure as if she was next to me on the plane, and closed her eyes and sent me white lights when I made choices that a mom can endure but can’t stop……(parasailing in a foreign country, being the passenger on the back of a motorcycle in cities far away from home, working a trade show with a shooting, being ill in Tokyo, Vegas, Mexico and other distanced cities all alone, living away in Summers in college with strangers on Long Island and loving NYC on weekends with other adventurous and underage 19 year olds, enjoying my share of New Orleans and many a trip with the college girls- even when missing the state lines. Lol.)

She gave me the courage to be who I am, and the guts to rock some adventures most folks wouldn’t consider.

She has empowered me to speak my mind in light of conflict and challenge, and be the person I am meant to be. She taught me to be strong, speak up and laugh along the way.

It is because of her I am able to take on anything and know – with my whole heart- I will not just survive ….. but own.

It is because of her I am not afraid.

It is because of her that I want to be stronger, better as a friend and mom and a new me. A healthy me- both in body and mind, heart and soul.

When my daughter was born, mom held her for the first time and looked at her as if that single loving moment could never be enough or more powerful. When divorce followed, she held my hand and cried with and for me. When the wild side of being single and newly divorced hit, she laughed along with girlfriends at my misadventures. When dating the wrong boys went on and on, she kept laughing, only now, she was sharing with her own circle of women friends. They laughed too. When the cancer came, she held it together, but I know privately she grieved for me.

She always believes in me.

Most folks don’t know she has a bachelor’s in political science and a minor in Russian from the University of Illinois. She taught school in inner city Chicago during the riots while dad was in law school. And when her own world faced challenge, she followed her own life’s path change and worked full time concurrent to achieving a master’s in social work to start her own FT private practice in psychotherapy. She rode her bike across Ireland in her 40s, started a band (the aging hippie band) and climbed the Grand Canyon in her 50s.

She embraces friendship and love as most people never fully appreciate. And as her own wise circle of women friends would concur, she is lovable, artsy, quirky, incredibly bright, cultured, polished and an amazing feminist woman to adore and idolize.

She is my superhero.

I am grateful, blessed, honored and only hope, I too can give my own sweet girl the same gift some day.

Om shanti…..
M

In our house, going to the therapist was like an annual dental checkup.

And as I reread that title, you might read two different ways. LOL!  I meant it a positive.  No joke, in our house, we look at a visit to the therapist like a check up.  You break a leg, you visit the hospital.  You get a cold, you see the doc.  Why would your mind and soul not get the same important attention?

I’ve joked in previous posts about prepaying psychotherapy for my sweet daughter after all she has watched of my silliness and life changes, but it’s not a joke anymore.  She is fully aware of why therapy is important and how it can nurture, enhance and lead us to find our authentic self…..even as the journey is ever-changing.

High achievers don’t like to fail.  And for some, therapy feels like failure.  But why?  1.  It’s private and no one needs to know. 2.  It’s healthy.  Just imagine the peace in the world if we gave ourselves permission for daily reflection, quiet time or meditation and weekly therapy, like we do to watch Big Bang Theory (for goodness sakes, we enjoy reality tv, but we don’t look ourselves in the mirror?)?  3.  If you get an unbiased source to just listen to your “stuff”, where is there downside?, and 4.  You receive confirmation, kindness, call outs on your own behavior and likely learn to be a better friend, partner, and/or parent in the process.

But I was raised to know it’s healthy.  And as such have been very transparent and open to the need in my life to ask for help and take action to receive.  So cheers to a new account or spin-off angle on the 401K or CD option for psychotherapy use after 2025!

Don’t be afraid of looking in the mirror.  It’s ok to see the real you, embrace, understand and seek support.

Namaste’,

M

p.s.  And you must find the right fit for you, and all therapists know that and want the same, so, if #1 or #2 isn’t right, keep looking.  It’s a lot like a serious relationship, but it isn’t easy if you have to “break up”.  Pick someone you will share all and not sell them on being someone you are not just to hear, you are fine.  The good ones know better.

Murphy, Mel’s way… yep, the path continues…

Most of the time, I want to cry and laugh at the same time. Especially in these last 15 months. My perfect storm (or life’s path for me right now), whatever you prefer to call it, just keeps moving along, and ready or not, my ‘Murphy Mel Moments’ have joined me every step of the way.

And thankfully so. A little humor keeps us real, right?

Perhaps that is what is needed when it feels so hard that we must get through just one more day or even just a moment….a good giggle and a profound (or not) look at our own humanness. A recent Myers Briggs analysis again demonstrates I am on off the chart ENFJ for the third time (extroverted feeling with introverted intuition). I am so out there, I could be a serial killer or Ronald Reagan and represent only 5% of the population. But the reality is, I am a perfect combo of my psychotherapist mom and attorney dad. In other words, a perfect manipulator….ok, yeah, a diplomatic markete(e)r and rockin’ saleswoman who can ask for the order. 🙂 And the fun of this role allows me the comfort level to share my own humanness and be who I am, as ridiculous as it sometimes may be. Who wears a red boa for work with red striped stockings in honor of Heart Health month? Only a marketer!

So what has happened since we last reviewed the Murphy side of Mel:

– My new car was parked on a hill last week, and while the day before I had 45 miles worth of gas, the hill was just steep enough not to allow the automatic start to catch…LOL! I am 41, and my dad had to bring me gas to get it over the hill/start line to catch. Really? Never in my life has this type A run out of gas. (for the record, there appears to be a problem with the fuel indicator)

– As recent Administrator on Call for the hospital, I was doing my due diligence at 7:30am on a Saturday to check in, while on my way to an engagement opportunity to work our booth, I ran a red light by accident. (not trying to increase volume, I promise). Thankfully, I was safe, but really? I work for a hospital.

– First day back to work after medical leave, and I can’t find my phone. Where did that darn thing go? At lunchtime, it appeared. It was in my lunchbox in the fridge. 🙂

– Would you guess only one dept. can have an office that resides on the 4th floor of one building but connects directly to the fifth of the neighbor building. Only my team can live on two floors at the same time. Perfect and quirky. No one else holds that honor.

– The week before trading in my previous car, I backed out of the condo garage to tear off the right side rearview mirror completely. I park out front now. But I have a very clean (and empty) garage.

– I realized in boxing up and donating more books to Goodwill I have purchased and read the same book 3x. Apparently, I enjoyed each time.

– New condo. Three months. Microwave stops working. Do they think I can cook, or is this a trick to get me out?

– Prepared a lovely iMovie on my personal Powerbook Mac for fun after a work event, only to have our CEO love the piece and ask to show at the upcoming BOD meeting. As I went to finish this past weekend however, I added the “juice app”- meaning, spilled juice into the machine. Yep, the machine was a goner and out of warranty. Can’t understand why the Geek squad doesn’t have a juice clause.

– Did I every mention a bird hit my spokes while training for a serious cycling event? Yeah, pretty much a downer for the rest of the ride.

– Don’t attempt travel to Brazil without a Visa. It’s important.

I’ve missed writing. Thank you for your patience and kind notes. Just feeling much fatigue and still working to find the old me. I did however Zipline with a great group two weeks ago and have a Mud Run in June, so every day I try a little harder to find my way back to good health.

Thanks for believing in me.

M


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